Jeff Foxworthy on Vermont....
   If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Vermont.
   If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Jericho is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Vermont.
   If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, you might live in Vermont
   If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Vermont.
   If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Vermont.
   If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead you might live in Vermont.
   If you often hear people say that "you can't get there from here." You know what a flatlander is.
   Larry, Daryl and Daryl didn't offend you because they live down the road from you.
   If you have worn shorts and a parka at the same time, you might live in Vermont.
   If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Vermont.
   If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Vermont.

YOU KNOW YOU ARE A TRUE VERMONTER WHEN:
1. "Vacation" means going east past I-91 for the weekend.
2. You measure distance in hours.
3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.
4.. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day and back again.
5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.
6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).
7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.
8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.
9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.
10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.
11. You know that the "5th" season is* Mud Season
12. You can identify a southern or western accent.
13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.
14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.
15. Down South to you means Connecticut or Maryland.
16. You have no idea what scrabble is, and don't want to.
17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new shed.
18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.
19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.
20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.
21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly".
22. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Vermont friends.

You know you're from Vermont when:
You've taken your kids trick-or-treating during a blizzard.
You only own three spices- salt, pepper and ketchup.
The mosquitoes have landing lights.
You have 10 favorite recipes for venison.
The local Hardware store on any Saturday is busier than the toy stores at Christmas.
You live in a house that has no front steps, yet the door is one yard above the ground.
Making it home during Mud Season is a competitive sport.
You think everyone from the city has an accent.
You think sexy lingerie is tube socks and a flannel nightie with only 8 buttons.
You owe more money on your snowmobile than your car.
The local paper covers national and international headlines on l/4 page, but requires 6 pages for sports.
At least twice a year, the kitchen doubles as a meat processing plant.
The most effective mosquito repellent is a shotgun.
Your snow-blower gets stuck on the roof.
You think the start of deer hunting season is a national holiday.
You head south to go to your cottage.
You frequently clean grease off your barbecue so the bears won't prowl on your deck.
You know which leaves make good toilet paper.
The town officials greet you on the street by your first name.
There is only one shopping plaza in town.
The major parish fund-raiser isn't bingo- its sausage making.
The trunk of your car doubles as a deep freezer.
You attended a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your snowmobile boots.
You can play road hockey on skates.
Shoveling the driveway constitutes a great upper body workout.
You know the 4 seasons: Winter, Still Winter, Almost Winter, and Construction.