Vermont Hunters
Two hunters are out in the Vermont woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Vermont Summer Flies
      It was a particular hot and sunny August summer day along the Black River, up in Perkinsville Vermont. The temperature had reached about 102 degrees in the shade. Not a day fit for man or beast.
      Sitting on the limb, of a fallen tree, across the river was a small Fly baking in the summer heat. The Fly thought to himself, if I could just hover down about 3 inches, I could cool myself off in the mist of the passing river, and that would just make my day!
      Meanwhile, floating just below the water, was a 9 LB Rainbow Trout, who had been eyeing this fly for the past half hour. The Trout thought to himself, boy, if that Fly would just hover down about 3 inches I could jump up, swallow him whole and enjoy a fine meal. Now that would just make my day!
      Unknown to the Trout, there was this 300 LB Black Bear, sitting on the river bank, just behind a large oak tree. Now this Bear hadn't eaten in three days, and he was watching this Trout and thinking to himself, boy, if that Fly would just hover down about 3 inches, that Trout would jump up out of the water to swallow that fly. Then, I could stand up and reach out, grab that Trout and satisfy this burning hunger. That would really just make my day!
      Just about 300 yards down the river, on the opposite bank there sat a Hunter, eating his cheese sandwich for lunch. He'd been out hunting since the crack of dawn with no luck at all. He could see the Bear up the river, but was sure, if he took a shot, he couldn't hit him, with that large tree in the way. The Hunter thought to himself, , boy, if that Fly would just hover down about 3 inches, that Trout would jump up out of the water to swallow that fly, then that Bear would stand up, reach out, to grab that Trout. I could get a clear shot off, and I'd have a truly great trophy to take home. Man, that would just make my day!
      Now, just a few feet from this Hunter, was a small field mouse, trying to keep cool under a brier bush. All the while, this Mouse was watching the hunter, take bites out of that luscious cheese sandwich. The Mouse thought to himself, boy, if that Fly would just hover down about 3 inches, that Trout would jump up out of the water to swallow that fly, and then that Bear would stand up, reach out, and grab that Trout. This hunter would grab his gun, stand up to take a shot, and that cheese sandwich would go flying off his lap to the ground. I could quickly run out, snatch that cheese, and have a great meal. Hummm, that would just make my day PERFECT!
      At this exact moment, about 1 yard from the Mouse, behind a small pine tree, sat a very hungry, and very clever Cat. Now this tabby, had his eye on this little Mouse for quite some time. But, being a rather smart fellow, he knew he could never reach him under all that prickly brier. So, this Clever Cat thought to himself, boy, if that Fly would just hover down about 3 inches, that Trout would jump up out of the water to swallow that fly, then that Bear would stand up, reach out, grab that Trout. That hunter, would grab his gun, stand up to take a shot, and then that cheese sandwich would go flying off his lap to the ground. That tricky little Mouse, would surely run out to snatch that cheese, and then, at that point, my time would come. With one great pounce, I would have a dinner in my hands, and a story to tell all my friends behind the alley on Main street. Oh, how that would just MAKE MY DAY!
      Well, the heat had become, just unbearable at this point in the day. The poor little Fly couldn't take another moment of this sweltering sun. He decided it was time to cool off, and with that, hovered down about 3 inches, into the cool mist of the passing river. All at once, with a great splash, the eager Trout jumps from the water, snatching the Fly in mid air. The burly Black Bear, quickly lunged out from behind his tree, grabbing the Trout with his sharp, and ready claws. Upon seeing his opportunity, the Hunter springs to his feet, grabs his gun, draws a bead on the Bear, and fires a perfect, and accurate shot at his mark. Of course, his cheese sandwich flips off his lap, and lands with a splat, on the ground. As quick as the wind, our friend the Mouse, seizes his chance for a meal, and rushes from his brier haven, to grab the cheese. In a flash of an eye, the tubby tabby, pounces, from behind his blind of pine, to capture tonight's culinary feast. From the corner of his eye, the Mouse spies his feline foe, and quickly ducks. With this, the Cat over shoots his target, smashing his head upon a rock, flips over into the river and drowns.

The moral of this story you may ask, is;

It just seems that, every time a fly goes down three inches, a pussy is in trouble!